I have been working on something new to say. Frankly, as unchanging as Masonry claims to be, so is my experience.

My husband continues to be offered more offices than any one person could manage. He takes some, he leaves some. At the moment, I have no idea how many he has or in what organizations. I've stopped counting.

I continue with my policy that it's his hobby/religion/obsession and I don't need to be a part of it. He seems to have accepted that is how it will be and has, mostly, quit asking.

My greatest irritation is having to listen to him rant about some of the actions/inaction of men, in power, who are clearly showing signs of incompetence, dementia or psychosis. It does not seem to matter how incapable someone becomes, he's left in office to foul things up. It makes no sense to me.

Clueless, they are.

I had a long, internet conversation with an older Mason a couple of nights ago. He mentioned that they are not getting many new, younger members. He said young men just weren't interested in joining "social" organizations. I told him I could explain that. He asked me to do so.

What followed was a long discussion of the treatment and attitude toward women of the Masonic order. I told him about sitting and waiting while the men do their thing, about being expected to hostess entertainment for all the "ladies" doing likewise. About sitting at dinner tables while my husband and the man on the other side of me talked across me as if I was not even there and the demeaning jokes told.

I told him that today's women are not going to accept that kind of behavior from their husband/boyfriend.

He talked about the "unchangeable" nature of the rituals. I said I didn't think most modern men would find the path to "enlightenment" much enhanced by the archaic and, frankly, silly rituals of the lodge.

In the end, he said something to the effect of "I'm sorry you feel that way."

My reply was "Evolve or perish." I'm betting on the latter.

Waiting for his return, yet again.

It's Sunday morning and he'll be home this afternoon after 5 days absence for a Grand convention. I want to be excited to see him. Knowing that all I am going to hear is the details of the event for the next several days, just as it was all he talked about for the week prior, does not thrill me.

So, I will listen until my eyes glaze over. And I'll find out what new commitments he's been offered and declined/accepted. I can tell from his call last night that something is up. I know that they keep asking him to take yet another office.

Next year, he's the grand pubah for another group. I'm sure it won't be the last. I have heard other Mason's refer to their Masonic "career." Clearly, that's what I'm in for. A career in waiting.

The not so hidden costs of "appointments."

A few nights ago, my husband shared with me that he "would not be surprised" if he was appointed to a "prestigious" position by one of his friends. My first question, as it is every time he says something like this, was "What does this entail?".

"Only four meetings a year....in Las Vegas." Translated into reality: four plane tickets and how many nights lodging, meals, and entertainment?

We had a frank discussion about how we have only one pocket for all this to come out of. We're trying to save for retirement. My spending is often criticized as being excessive or unnecessary, but he does not see the Masonic expenses in the same light.

I think he got it, we'll see.

I'm noticing a little more traffic of late. This is encouraging but I'd love for people to post some comments. I want to know what you think or any questions you have.

One of the apparent fascinations of Masonry is the politics concerning what is, or is not, an approved group. When any Mason joins a "clandestine body", he is supposed to be ostracized.

 Currently, there is a big conflict over whether a national governing body (several of whom have joined an illicit group) has the authority to make this formerly clandestine group into a "regular" group.

This turmoil is occupying much of my husband's mind. Personally, I consider it a tempest in a teapot. But, it is stressful for him and that is not good for either of us. I want to say, "just walk away". But, I know he won't.

The Rituals are Published

The secret rituals are really not a secret. They have been published. "The Secrets of Freemasonry" by William Morgan has it all right there in black and white. I got a free version for my Kindle. At this point, I see it listed for $4.99. If you're really curious, you might want to read them. You can probably find it in a well stocked public library.

The rituals, themselves, are archaic. They all center around the mythology surrounding the building of Solomon's temple and the secret code words of the stonemasons who worked on it. I suppose, done well, they could create a transformative experience for the initiate. Done poorly, I would think they appear as ridiculous as they sound. A lot of it reminds me of what I know of fraternity hazing; blindfolding, being led about by a rope, threatened and roughed up.

There is a lot of talk of "enlightenment" after receiving the initiations. The candidate is required to memorize a "lecture" which amounts to repeating the facts of the ritual when questioned. What he learned is how to repeat the ritual for other candidates.

The oaths required of an initiate are startling. The man swears to accept the penalty of death, in quite grizzly detail, if he reveals the secrets. The master mason's oath is the most upsetting to me, as a woman.

He swears, "...that I will never be at the initiating of an old man in his dotage, a young man in his nonage, an atheist*, irreliqious libertine, idiot, madman, hermaphrodite nor woman."

You see in what high esteem we are held.

After reading all this material, I have to agree with the Masons. They are not a religion, they are a cult.

* All Masons are required to believe in a "Supreme Being". (Pick a God, any one will do.) That "G" in the middle of the square and compass is God or Geometry (also divine). They refer to God as the "Grand Architect." And they do pray to Him. Despite the disclaimer that they are nondenominational, most of the ritual is Judeo-Christian and makes liberal reference to the Bible.

Two Down, One to Go

His reign over one York Rite body ended in April 2011. The next one begins in 2013.

I learned, much to my horror, that bowing out as the "first lady" does nothing to slow this juggernaut. I doubt the men even notice as other women step in and fill the gap. (Why they do this is beyond me.) It makes me sad that the work falls on them and angry that I cannot even make a protest by my absence.

In three days, he flies across the country for a national gathering. Another week apart and $1000+ out the window.

Halfway through the "year."

We're halfway through this grand office year. The visitations are coming thick and fast. He was away three days and two nights last weekend, one evening last week and will be away two days, starting tomorrow. The truce seems to be holding, we aren't fighting about it.

But, already, he has another international office. And, he's talking about the next grand line for the state. *sigh*

How am I coping? I've been working my tail off in the yard getting the landscaping restored, trying to beat the rain. Now that it's too wet and cold for that, I got a puppy. She's fitting into the family quite nicely. She does not like football and she can't join the Masons because she's a girl. I don't know about male dogs, there probably aren't any who have joined because they don't know they have to ask.

Loneliness

He was installed as the Grand "Pubah" of a state affiliated body two weekends ago. This entailed a four day trip away from home. Already, he is gone for another four day weekend visit to another state's grand sessions. Next weekend, two days away.

I am supposed to be comforted that next month, he has no trips, but June holds at least two. I already know that things will "come up."

It's fine that he is doing something he enjoys. What is not fine is that he can't be bothered for more than a five minute phone call once a day. I have to wait until he calls me as the schedule at these events is packed tightly. That's okay. But if his roommate comes in, he's done talking, period.

I'm plenty busy during the day. I can certainly handle four days alone. But, he is spending time we would, ordinarily, have together and there is no way to get it back. I'm feeling how short life is becoming. Letting OUR time slip away on something I cannot share makes me sad, maybe even angry. I am trying to take the view that he's happy right now.

Still, I am lonely.